You wake up and the day feels the same as any other day. Shower. Babies. Breakfast. Coffee. Always coffee. Out the door. Except today you look down at your phone and one simple text sends your heart reeling. The past comes back to visit like an unexpected house guest.

Here’s what you need to know…I’m someone who walks away. I don’t walk away when I should. I wait until there is not one literal shred of anything left to hang on to. I wait until every bomb has gone off. Every possible damage has been done. Then I walk away. I’m guilty of not looking back. There is a mess of rubble and tears and shattered lives and I walk. I know full well the healing and the lessons wait for me, and they are nothing if not patient. The destruction will decompose and sit like a fine black dust, but the lessons will play on repeat until they are learned.

Today I learned.

Today I looked back and a different girl responded. A girl with a little back bone about her. A girl with two daughters who is insistent that their legacy be one of strength, faith, and above all else, love.

When you can look back and make a different choice. When you can look back and not bleed. When you can look back and see that life is malleable. You don’t have to break. You don’t have to crack. You can bend. You can knead. Knot in place of wound.

Today we didn’t fall apart. Today we just tried again. Today we threw all the colors on to the floor and did art. Today we put worship music on and taught soul cycle. I do mean soul cycle. I detoxed mentally, physically, spiritually. Today was supposed to be bad, but Jesus meant it for good. Today was a victory. This is how I want to fight my battles.